


The Intergalactic Mailman: Liam E. Staefano

by The_Thoughtful_Wanderer



Category: Original Work
Genre: A MASTERPIECE, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Drama, Family Fluff, Fantasy, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Magic, Modern Setting, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Personified Objects, Random Heavy Metal Music, Vintage Jelly Jars, what even is this?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:14:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21862771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Thoughtful_Wanderer/pseuds/The_Thoughtful_Wanderer
Summary: Liam E Staefano got fired from his job is soon to be homeless, found a cursed job where people go missing decides WHY NOT, and gets thrown into a portal by his 2 crazy managers with a bag full of letters to deliver and no understanding of how to get back on earth.
Relationships: Grell Eliot & Karen Smith, Grell Eliot & Liam E. Staefano, Grell Eliot & Linda Smith, Karen Smith & Linda Smith, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Ra & Liam E. Staefano
Kudos: 1





	The Intergalactic Mailman: Liam E. Staefano

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, Rose, for helping me write this, as well as drawing the characters! 
> 
> Update Schedule is inconsistent, Do not demand updates. Semester finals are coming up. don't push it, fam :)
> 
> Co-Creator: Un-Registered User - Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam E Staefano got fired from his job is soon to be homeless, found a cursed job where people go missing decides WHY NOT, and gets thrown into a portal by his 2 crazy managers with a bag full of letters to deliver and no understanding of how to get back on earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, Rose, for helping me write this, as well as drawing the characters!
> 
> Update Schedule is inconsistent, Do not demand updates. Semester finals are coming up. don't push it, fam :)
> 
> Co-Creator: Un-Registered User - Rose

“LIAM!”

“WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME WOMAN?!”

“GET YOUR BUTT IN MY OFFICE, NOW!!”

Liam E. Staefano (or Li) is fresh out of college (He got his masters in engineering) and working in a McDonalds in downtown L.A. He is currently taking orders as his Manager yells at him to get his [Explicit] down to her office. You see, earlier today while he was working the register, an older woman who looked like she had visited every Mcdonalds, Burger King, and Subway is the area once every day that month. Or - in short - she wasn’t a Skinny Legend. She started talking like she owned the place and Li started telling her off for it. And really, Li deserved a raise for putting up with what he does every day. But alas, he is a sleep-deprived fool who decided to move into an apartment with neighbors who have a tendency to host Heavy Metal concerts on the roof. So he yelled at her, she yelled back, and he scared off several potential customers. 

And so, we now find Liam walking lazily to his manager’s office with his hands in his pockets, a slight frown on his face, and his burnt orange dreadlocks falling out of its bun. He paused at the door, prayed he wouldn’t die, and walked calmly into the office. He sat down, kicked up his heels, and displayed the most dead-inside expression he possibly could. He raised his eyebrow, cocking his head at the small, gaunt woman in front of him. 

Sharell Mayhel was a stern woman with an iron fist. She used to be a Drill Sergeant before she was fired for disturbing the peace. She now works as a Mcdonald's manager - but only because Burger King was too scared to hire her. Oh, and she hates people. There’s that too. 

“What in the good Lord’s holy name were you THINKING, Liam?! Do you have any Idea how many public complaints I’ve received since this morning? Twenty-six. TWENTY. SIX.”

She began walking around the office, throwing her hand about in frustration. 

“And can you guess just how many of those were because of your little shouting match with Miss Bettie Armstrong? Go on, guess.”

“... twenty-six..?” 

“NO! Seven. BUT THAT’S BESIDE THE POINT! I’ve wanted you outta here since you walked in for your briefing, but we were short on staff. But NOW?!? YOU’RE GONE. BUBYE! HASTA LA VISTA! SO LONG! Go get yourself a job at that one carne asada place down the street or something, but I don’t want you to come back through those doors anytime soon unless its to buy yourself a burger.” 

\-------

Four minutes later, he’s picked up his week’s pay, his jacket, his name tag, and then he’s on the back streets. Walking home in the rain. When did it get dark? It’s like… four pm? Either way, the world seemed to sense his tired exasperation and wanted to make it worse.  _ Lovely. _

When he arrived home, the first thing he saw fastened to his door was a small, but cursed piece of paper. An eviction notice. Perfect. He kicked off his tennis-shoes and face planted into his couch. He just wanted a nap… 

\-------

At three in the morning, he was rudely awakened by the sound of “Hallowed be Thy Name” by Iron Maiden blasting throughout the apartment complex. And just as the chorus played, there was a knock on his door. When he answered, he was repeatedly conked on the head by a vintage oakwood cane that dates back to the early 19th century. His Landlord was a petite, elderly Hispanic woman with a violent streak and dark sunglasses. The kids in the building call her Lil’ Granny Jo, but everyone else knew her as Joharleez Rao. She refuses to believe she’s blind, and that her sunglasses are normal prescription lenses, despite their obvious dark appearance. He yelled to alert her that, yes, he had opened the door. He proceeded to ask her why she had decided to disturb him at three in the morning. She then yelled over the music to inform him that she had someone moving in tomorrow that actually wanted to pay rent, and she was outing him now. He had five minutes to pack before she was cleaning everything out herself. Meaning what he didn’t grab probably wouldn’t ever be seen again. 

After she rudely slammed the door in his face - leaving him to pack, it set into his mind a little bit. 

He was being kicked out… He was homeless. 

\-------

Li was sitting on a bench in a small public park at the crack of dawn with nothing to do and no idea how to figure it out. As he watched the sunrise paint the sky a plethora of reds, oranges, pinks and yellows, the only sounds about where the early risers driving to work, and distant Heavy metal music that seemed to be inescapable. 

Now what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


End file.
